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To Investors, Manure Company Smells Like Roses

My unending journalistic quest to understand the nature of global business has brought me to a remote spot on Mountain Heights Road in Knuckletown, Mississippi. Mountain heights are about as rare in Mississippi as what I see right in front of my eyes: a rundown and rotting old house with a brand-new Land Rover Evoque parked outside. What’s even more unusual is that neither drugs nor shale are involved.

I approach the old house cautiously. But before I even reach the door, a big man with happily bobbing jowls opens the door and steps outside.

“Well, hi there!” he says, “Y’all must be the reporters from F$JNews.”

We just nod in agreement.

Brand New Money, Same ol' Shit
Brand New Money, Same ol’ Sh*t

The man’s name is Alvin Irwin, Jr. and he operates a manure spreading company. He picks up manure, drives it to a farm, programs in the farm’s GPS boundaries and then he sits back in the air-conditioned cab and watches Netflix while the tractor navigates the field, spreading his product wherever it is needed. As he puts it, “With all them computers these days, I can end a long day spreading manure smelling better than I did when that day began.”

Then, one day, Mr. Irwin’s low-margin, high-capital business was transformed. One day, people just started calling him and offering to buy him out. He kept turning them down, but the calls kept coming and the offers kept going up and up. JP Sachs got involved and, after a bidding war, Mr. Irwin ended up clearing $1.3 billion for a 49% stake in his company.

“Why do you think it happened?” he asks, referring to the massive fundraising.

The answer seems obvious to me.

“What’s the name of your business, Alvin?”

“Well, it’s AI Manure, Inc. After my daddy, Alvin Irwin, Sr. He started it 43 years ago.”

“You ever heard of AI?”

“You mean that ChatGPT thing everybody’s talkin’ about?”


He pauses and then says, “You mean to tell me they invested $1.3 billion in my manure business ’cause it’s called AI Manure.”

I just nod.

“Well, damn, he says. My daddy was right. Some city folk really can’t tell the difference between shit and shinola.”

If you want to separate shit from shinola I’m probably about as good as the next guy. But if you want to better understand your company’s operations, then I’m definitely a cut above. Learn more at SolveforSuccess.com.

As we’re just getting our feet wet, FSJNews will write an article with you in mind if you agree to spend $200 advertising it. It’s a win-win.

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