Your Home for Business Satire

Banking Finance

Man Invests $399, Actually Discovers Wall Street Secrets

Ben Powell is the kind of man who buys lottery tickets. After all, there could be a chance that his life would be changed forever. That sort of logic is what drew him to an ad on Facebook “For Only $399, Discover Secrets Wall Street Has Been Hiding From You!”

Mr. Powell duly plonked down his $399, figuring it was worth a shot. When”Wall Streets Secrets” booklet and DVD were eventually delivered. Mr. Powell was shocked by what they revealed.

Ben Powell Celebrates His Newfound Success
Ben Powell Celebrates His Newfound Success

In the booklet, there were secret trading patterns that let ‘Them’ know you were in the market and were part of the club. There was a table of major stocks and their planned movements for the coming six months. There were keywords that revealed when so-called ‘market analysts’ were just blowing smoke for the public. And other keywords that let you know they were delivering real knowledge about what was to occur.

When he opened the DVD, there were diagrams, secretly recorded meetings between Wall Street Tycoons and Major Government Figures, and even a code the super rich put on the Social Security box of their tax forms so the IRS would know not to tax them.

Mr. Powell’s $399 did change his life forever. He went from being a plumber in Brunswick, New Jersey, to a core member of ‘Them’ with his very own hedge fund. In addition to untold wealth and power, Mr. Powell has acquired other key responsibilities. For example, when one of Them passes on, it is Mr. Powell’s job to post a simple ad on Facebook: “For Only $399, Discover Secrets Wall Street Has Been Hiding From You!”

If you see it, maybe you ought to click it. After all, you could be next.

We at FSJNews don’t have any great Wall Street Secrets. We only know enough to know that they don’t exist (really). But, through Solve for Success, we do offer top-notch business analysis services that can help you unlock more value in your operations.

Learn more about advertising with F$JNews.

Leave a Reply

Be the first to see the latest satire - FREE!

F$JN Logo

What do you want to see?

When do you want to see it?

Woman loving her F$Jnews!