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Dictator Shares Secrets at Kindergarten Career Fair

President-Prime-Minister-for-Life Yevgeny Khomeni Chen delighted local kindergarten students when he made a surprise appearance at their ‘Career Fair 23’ event. The Chubeki Consulate invited our reporters to attend the event.

Dictator Attends Kindergarten Career Fair
Dictator Attends Kindergarten Career Fair

The President-Prime-Minister-for-Life kicked off the event by reading selected excerpts from 1984. He then invited questions from the assembled children. One of them asked, “Mr. President-Prime-Minister-for-Life, what does it take to become a dictator.”

The President-Prime-Minister-for-Life explained, “Becoming a President-Prime-Minister-for-Life is very simple. You can learn everything you need to right here in kindergarten. You just need three simple rules. Can anybody guess the first one?”

There was a flurry of raised hands and random guesses. Eventually the President-Prime-Minister-for-Life calmed the little crowd and said, “The first rule is One. You need to be able to count to One. Why? Because there can only be one President-Prime-Minister-for-Life. Only one. Can anybody guess the second rule?”

Again, there was a flurry of eager hands. Nobody guess it. The President-Prime-Minister-for-Life said, “The second rule is to remember that there are only two kinds of people. Followers and Threats. You can tell them apart just using colors. Followers are white with fear. Threats are blue with idealism, green with envy or red with anger. Can you help me pick out some green children today?”

Again, there was a flurry of hands. Soon, two little kids were sitting apart from the rest of the group – all marked with the stain of envy. Four red kids followed, steaming as they were separated from the rest.

“Now, the hardest are the blue kids. Can anybody help me find kids who are idealistic? That means they think things like fairness or caring are important to them.”

It took only a moment before three children had been moved from the bulk of the children. Their classmates reported that one “didn’t like when things weren’t fair” a second “played with the stupid kids” and a third “was always sharing his lunch.”

“And now,” said the President-Prime-Minister-for-Life, “We come to the third rule. To be President-Prime-Minister-for-Life, you always have to think ahead. Way ahead.”

With that, members of his security detail gently ushered the nine specifically identified children out of the room.

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